For many college students, “sugar” relationships can be a draw, especially for those with financial problems. In fact, more than 3 million college students in the United States are considered what is known as “sugar babies”. A “sugar daddy” provides tutoring and/or financial assistance to a “sugar baby” in exchange for sex, companionship, and/or dating.
Emily (name changed) is a 21-year-old college student who needed extra income. In an interview with the Trauma and Mental Health Report, she describes one of several experiences of hers with sugardaddyseek sugar daddy who was married, which is not uncommon:
“My longest arrangement was with a married man; his wife and his children did not know. I felt a little weird about it.”
Emily explains that it was all very risky:
“I’m lucky nothing bad ever happened. If any of them had ever had bad intentions, they could easily have done anything to me…there are many things that could go wrong, they could rip you off. It’s risky, you have to be careful and there’s really no way of knowing. You could talk to someone and they seem super nice and then they end up not being genuine.”
Emily finally decided to stop. She describes the impact her experience had on her self-esteem. Hers:
“There were definitely times where I didn’t really feel good about myself afterward. I would try to think of it this way: I get paid for my time, not for what I’m doing. But there were times when I felt a bit used. Sometimes you do things that you don’t really want to do just for the money, and regret is definitely a part of that… you also lose some autonomy. If you don’t pay for your own stuff anymore, you feel like your life isn’t your own.”
Jessica Stebbins is a marriage and family therapist with experience counseling women who have a history of prostitution. On her blog, Jessica talks about the “ sugar baby trend ” and her observations as she mentors women who have also done so. She states:
“The thing is, a lot of young women get into these relationships for the same reasons that prostitutes get into their profession: money. In these cases, the risks are very similar to prostitution and it is safe to say that neither the prostitute nor the sugar baby will come out of the experience free of emotional scars… These girls expressed the same emotions and problems that the girls who were labeled prostitutes did. did: shame, guilt, grief, [feeling] exposed, vulnerable, “dirty”, anxious and depressed”.
Stebbins believes the problem with “sugar relationships” is that they don’t allow feelings to develop naturally, but rather around the promise of money. This can affect morale and self-esteem, and lead to other negative consequences.
Emily’s story is similar to many others. But not everyone claims to have negative effects on mental health. Jordan (who identifies with the pronoun “they”), has been in business for 2 years. His experience was different from Emily’s. Jordan describes it positively, as empowering:
“In the end, as long as there is full communication and consent throughout the process, there is nothing wrong with doing what you can to support yourself. Being able to meet people, create a mutual agreement and have a good time is a very positive experience and, in the best of cases, empowering. It shows sugar babies that they have the drive and motivation to help themselves or even live happily.”
As with any risky endeavor, individual experiences vary widely. Some young women can get away unscathed. Perhaps those should consider themselves the lucky ones.
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